The Perfect Wedding Dress Doesn’t Exist… and that’s ok.
When I opened Jasmine Lilly Bridal, I expected to find our brides in search of their “perfect” dress and, because I was new to bridal, I thought that was something I could deliver on.
Now, three years in, I am convinced the perfect wedding dress doesn’t exist.
To begin, every bride is an individual, complex and ever-changing person with a multifaceted personality that may change from one day to the next. Finding a garment that perfectly encapsulates all those varied pieces of yourself is a big ask! So what should you be looking for?
First, go in with an open mind! Try to remember that looking good and feeling good are not one and the same. You will surely find gowns that look amazing on you, but I believe the more important thing to consider is how you feel in a dress.
Do you feel like yourself?
Can you breath?
Can you eat, sit down and laugh?
Can you DANCE?!
This is an intuitive process that brings me no shortage of delight.
Watching someone access their intuition and discover something about themselves is actual magic, but accessing your intuition is no easy feat.
You’ve been sold the promise of a perfect day and dress that has everything you could ever want wrapped up inside and topped with a bow (literally).
Like most female identifying folx you’ve likely acquired some baseless insecurities about your body, and in case that’s not enough, you’ve also invited all your close female friends and family to shop with you. And of course they love you but sometimes they pull focus, trigger you or inadvertently center themselves. Or perhaps you’ve found yourself sandwiched in a generational divide between your mother and grandmother who remember simpler times and don’t understand why you would want to “show so much skin.”
All in all it’s a potent cocktail of impossible expectations, lifelong insecurities, and familial narratives that’s not what I would call the ideal scenario for following your gut.
But don’t panic!. We’ve got some tried and tested tips to help you take care of yourself while making room for those dreamy bridal moments:
1. If you are worried you won’t be able to tune out the opinions of others and listen to your heart it’s well within your rights to have a solo appointment.
This can actually be a great way to get your bearings and find some clarity about what you like before you invite other people into the conversation. And you can still have the bridal moment with family and friends in a follow up appointment after you’ve sat with your feelings and looked at photos. You can show them your favorites now that you feel more grounded in yourself and your desires.
Once you’ve made it through your appointments, you may have found several dresses you can’t decide between…Maybe you haven’t had that “oh-my-god-it’s-the-one” moment and your worried you wont. You’re worried there’s something wrong with you, but that is totally normal!
2. Very few brides know immediately that they’ve found their dress, and even fewer cry when they do find it. Some brides need weeks or months to sit with it while others know immediately.
Most brides can picture themselves in a few different dresses, almost like parallel universes (in this one you’re an ethereal goddess and this one you’re an elegant minimalist). They can’t understand how they can be attracted to dresses that are so different from one another.
This is so common that we’ve developed a singular piece of advice that we’ve been told is a game changer for many brides. You ready for it?
3. Both (or all) of those favorite dresses express different parts of you. Remember what I said about how complex you are? Here’s the proof. There is no right or wrong dress in your curated collection. They are ALL different versions to you, and the real work is figuring out which version of yourself you want to be on your wedding day.
It’s ok to sit with that for a moment. It may even make you uncomfortable. You’ve been told there is one perfect dress that will encapsulate you in all your glory and I’m telling you there isn’t. It’s ok to grieve that fantasy.
But the point of this advice is not to stomp on your dreams. I will lift up your dreams all day, so long as they don’t harm your chance at happiness. The point of this advice is to free yourself from the shackles of that particular dream because it’s fantasy that often leads to disappointment. I’ve seen too many brides get tripped up by it; too many brides that beat themselves up for not finding “the one”; who regret the dress they got because it wasn’t that magical garment foretold to them. Too many brides who don’t feel like themselves because they chose a dress that flattered their body but didn’t express their spirit.
This is a vulnerable quest you are setting out on! Be kind to yourself and remember it’s ok to scrap the bits that don’t serve you, and make up new bits that do.
It’s ok to be perfectly imperfect. It’s more then ok, it’s beautiful.
